Well, they aren’t really shuffles. But they’re the closest thing we’ve got so far.
The Fan Club Events across Japan have brought joy to my little Kuri heart. Random groups have been thrown together–I am assuming that this is sort of H!P’s goodwill tour ["LABU&PIISU, HAROPRO SUTAIRU!"--I want Reina to scream this, no lie]. Anyway, these groups are going to be in the major cities of Japan, starting February 11.
I must say, this excited me intensely. The very idea of “random” groups–it’s like a callback to the shuffles of the days of yore. Ah, those golden, happy days when you had groups like 3nin Matsuri, and Sexy8…. Akagumi4…. Oh, those truly were the days.
Anyway, they’re just touring. I have no idea what they’re gonna do. Maybe a handshake event? Nevertheless, the groups excite me.
That said, I love analyzing them and predicting possible things. The set-up is so much fun! ♥ So. HAJIMARU YO!~
…I was listening to Hey! Mirai, I’m sorry, Nacchi’s cry of “saa, mirai wa hajimaru yo!” was too good NOT to reference. Speaking of Nacchi…….
Group Sapporo (2/11)
Members: Nakazawa Yuko, Abe Natsumi, Matsuura Aya, Melon Kinenbi [Saitou Hiromi, Murata Megumi, Ohtani Masae, Shithingy Shibata Ayumi]
Kuri’s Rename of Group: Sexy Sapporo Snow Ladies.
Possible Songs to Sing: Unforgettable, Danna-sama, Iki wo Kasanemashou, Koi no TELEPHONE GOAL, Egao, Melodies [piano ver.]…. Sweetaholic (I’d want for Nacchi and Yuko to sing this one; how kickass would THAT be?!), Furusato, This is Unmei [but only as an opening number-type thing. Yuko and Ayaya crying "DOUSURU?!". That is MADE of win]
If there’s anything I know Sapporo for, it’s for its snows. And since they’ll be there in February, I am positive they shall have snow there. Anyway. Here’s something else.
The group is like an Elder Club party. If they were going to have a song they released, not only would it be a ballad where Ayaya got some BEAUTIFUL high notes–it’d be about a love lost, with several references to newly fallen snow, and, as the song ends, how the snow melts to reveal spring. And the Elder Club ladies would make it the sexiest thing snowy Sapporo has ever seen!
Anyway, as for a “concert” thing, I can see a lot of Nacchi and Ayaya singing pretty songs, and my pretty little Melonheads being all “FOSHIZZLE BIZNATCHES” or something…. You never know what to expect from those Melon Kinenbi girls. Except Shibaka, you know she’ll be there and be her usual self………… Anyway. I also foresee Nakazawa being a kickass yankee announcer. She’d be REALLY bitchslapping people, I bet. And screaming… And then turning around and singing enka. Ah, classic Yuko. She truly is the leader of Hello! Project. ♥
And, they’ll close by singing Furusato, even if none of them are from Sapporo. Because Furusato is simply a gorgeous song, and a strong note to end anything on.
Group Osaka (2/17)
Members: Niigaki Risa, Kusumi Koharu, Mitsui Aika, Junjun, Linlin
Kuri’s Rename of Group: Kirari♥s GENKI!
Possible Songs to Sing: Shouri no BIG WAVE!!, Happy☆彡, Mikan, Balalaika, Aruiteru, Do It! Now, Daite HOLD ON ME, Osaka Koi no Uta, Furusato, Popcorn Love
I’d be lying to you if I told you I wasn’t mentally colorcoding a Gaki/Kussun/Mittsi/Panda Do It! Now in my head while I type this. I can literally visualize it. Let me tell you: It’s incredibly awesome.
In fact, the amount of awesome and win and pwn and labu that is within this group is just… off the scale. Hell, it broke the scale and now Tsunku has to go and find a new one so that he can decide on C-ute’s future. Subtract the fact that Kussun can’t sing, and Mittsi’s got a weird voice. There is Niigaki. And there are the pandas. It’s like…. the happiest lineup I’ve ever seen.
That said, can you IMAGINE the awesomeness this could produce. In the case they were to have their own song, I imagine it’d be one that’s extremely happy and peppy. There’d be Gaki speaking…. Kussumi being cute as heck, Mittsi out-cuteing Kusumi by a mile…. Linlin speaking Chinese and Junjun going “HI MINNASAN! ;D” They’d have a real… novelty sort of song. Like a cross between Ai Araba IT’S ALL RIGHT and Shiawase Beam! Suki Suki Beam!, something genki but also really uplifting. Actually, something similar to Ambitious! Yashinteki de Ii jan. Anything with an exclamation point in it. And, since it’s winter and cold, they’d be very “wintertime is fun~~ let’s have a snowball fight~~! I love the world and everyone in it ♥” That, or I truly can imagine them singing a song that mentions making chocolates for Valentine’s Day, and giving them to the guy they like… And getting rejected, thus causing us to have Gaki’s very own Shabondama!!
Okay, not really. But their song, I imagine, would be really happy and peppy and energetic–a song befitting the respective member’s attitudes and cuteness levels. Gaki would have to speak or rap, though….. And, believe it or not, I’d want Kusumi with a small rap line too. Which is why I included Daite HOLD ON ME in my possible song list. That would be SO cool. Niigaki would take Nacchi’s lines, Mittsi would have Asukacchi, and Kussumi Iida/Yasuda in the rap. Junjun would have Mari’s “WOW HOLD ON ME,” Linlin would do Nakazawa parts. It would be incrediawetastic.
But they’re predominantly an anime group–Kusumi would sing Kirarin songs, Gaki and Mittsi would do they’re BIG WAVE thing… Junjun and Linlin would just sit there looking pretty and singing ♥ And… they’d sing happy songs.. All the classic ones. And also, Popcorn Love, because I like that song. However, they would have naturally have to sing Osaka Koi no Uta, because….. it’s Osaka. And Furusato, because Niigaki and Linlin and Junjun ROCK that song.
Really, this is a group I’m really looking forward to. Even if it IS all MoMusu.
Group Fukuoka (2/23)
Members: Yoshizawa Hitomi, Konno Asami, Shimizu Saki, Tokunaga Chinami, Sudou Maasa, Kumai Yurina, Sugaya Risako
Kuri’s Rename of Group: Berryz☆Brilliantes
Possible Songs to Sing: Special Generation, Kokuhaku no Funsui Hiroba, Tsukiatteru no ni Kataomoi, BABY! Koi ni KNOCK OUT!, The MANPOWER, Koko ni Iruzee!, Narihajimeta Koi no BELL, Yattorouze!…. Shiroi Tokyo
I have a confession to make. I have no idea where Fukuoka is. BUT. Yossy is going there, so it must be cool.
Anyway, this is another group that’s looking good. Yossy, Konkon, and some Berryz. Sure, there’s Risako…. But there’s also Chinami and Maasa and that makes me happy and thus cancels out RisakoxSaki’s eyebrows (really, they scare me.. catepillars they are….)
This group would be the kind to turn out a real disco-song. The mathematical equation would be “Narihajimeta x Egao YES Nude – sexy “ah”s + Berryz being awesome” and… yeah, that’s pretty much it. They wouldn’t be going “ah~” all sexy, but they’d be disco-ing it up like…. well, like disco queens…. But it wouldn’t be like the C-ute song, Disco Queen, heavens no. That wasn’t nearly awesome enough. Anyway, they’d have a dance-y song. Maybe with parapara. And Yossy, Konkon and Sugaya would be leads. And it’d be awesome as….. as Ongaku Gatas ♥
As for other songs, Special Gen is a must. Kokuhaku would be really pretty to watch, and as much as I hate that new single, it’d be on there too… And the Gatas girls would have the Berryz singing they’re discolicious bringings…. As well as some customary happy MoMusu. And The MANPOWER. Okay. Can you IMAGINE that song getting performed again? It’d be cool.
I have nothing else interesting to say about them. I look forward to them. They’ll be pretty.
Group Tokyo-A (3/1)
Members: Biyuuden, Coconuts Musume Ayaka, Satoda Mai, Maeda Yuki
Kuri’s Renameof the Group: Elder Club Express
Possible Songs to Sing: Kachoii ze! JAPAN, Koisuru Angel Heart, Jounetsuyuki Miraisen, Iroppoi Onna ~SEXY BABY~, Shiawase desu ka?, Inshouha Renoir no You ni, [insert ANY Maeda Yuki song]
This is the group I think’ll sing lots of fun shuffle-y songs ♥ I kinda like the sound of this one. It’s mature and sexy. With the likes of Biyuuden combining with Ayaka, Mai, and Yuki… Well, I don’t think Yuki’ll sing much enka :O
If these guys did a song, you can bet your ass it’d be sexy, and Yui’s cleavage would play some sort of role. I’m actually seeing a sort of Chicago-ish thing, with jazz hands and black dresses…. Or something Latin-y. Like, a tango-ish number with these girls. Black dresses with red accents–or opposite, really. And a song about lost love and getting revenge on the guy that broke their heart–a la Carrie Underwood in her song Before He Cheats.
For a second, I had the mental image of Rika carving the words “It’s Rika bitch!” into someone’s car. And it was hilarious.
Anyway, they’d sing some Biyuuden stuff–Kachoii ze! JAPAN would totally open it, too. Then some Coconuts/Country stuff…. Ayaka, Mai, and Yuki singing Jounetsuyuki Miraisen, everyone doing Iroppoi Onna…. Yui, Ayaka and Rika doing Shiawase desu ka?…. And some more stuff.
It’s a sexy group. But I’m not looking forward to it.
Group Tokyo-B (3/2)
Members: Inaba Atsuko and Berryz Koubou
Kuri’s Rename of Group: Berryz Bomber
Possible Song Choices: Tsukiatteru no ni Kataomoi, Shiroi Tokyo, ENDLESS LOVE ~I Love You More~ , Magic of Love, Te wo Nigitte Arukitai, Munasawagi Scarlet, Nanchuu Koi wo Yatteruu YOU KNOW?, Honto no Jibun
Okay. This is the worst possible group. What they really should’ve done is put the Berryz with Biyuuden, and Inaba with those guys above. Inaba cannot mix with Berryz…. It just… doesn’t fit.
If they were gonna do any song, I imagine it’d be… something of the Berryz “50″s style, that vein. Something kinda like Waracchaou yo BOYFRIEND. Upbeat, happy… and very, very retro.
I’m sorry, I just can’t get enthused about this one. NEXT!!!
Group Nagoya-A (3/8)
Members: Yasuda Kei, Yaguchi Mari, and °C-ute
Kuri’s Rename of Group: Cutie Queens
Possible Songs to Sing: Tokaikko Junjou, AS FOR ONE DAY, Soku Dakishimete, FIRST KISS, I WISH, Massara Blue Jeans, Shabondama, CRAZY ABOUT YOU
This would be a great group. No lie ♥ I’m excited just thinking about it. Mixing those C-uties with my ALL-TIME FAVORITE MOMUSU EVER is just… PERFECT!!!
They would definately sing a song in the same vein as Tokaikko Junjou, AS FOR ONE DAY, etc. Very adult. Mentioning growing up…. Mentioning life. A few mentions of secret boyfriends–a direct shout-out to Marippe’s “troubled past” with Friday. Besides that…. there would be dancing. Dear God, there would be amazing dancing, led by Maimi and her parade of U-15 idols. And Yaguchi and Yasuda would be being awesome, too.
Anyway, it’d be an amazing show. At the time, I’m seeing a Shabondama led by Airi and Maimi, of course…. With…. Erika taking Rika’s monologue. I think she could pull it off. As for Mr. Moonlight, that would be Elder Club+Maimi, with Airi singing the first line. And everything else would be “WOO!” ness.
Yeah, I’m not making much sense at this point. It’s past 11 and I still have some history homework to do.
Group Nagoya-B (3/9)
Members: Yasuda Kei, Yaguchi Mari, Takahashi Ai, Tanaka Reina, Kamei Eri, Michishige Sayumi
Kuri’s Rename of the Group: The Lineup That Would Never Be.
Possible Songs to Sing: LOVE Machine, Mikan, Kanashimi Twilight, Onna ni Sachi Are, Memory Seishun no Hikari, Furusato, Last Kiss
This… is Morning Musume. There’s nothing else to say about them. This is a bunch of MoMusu, past and present. And they would sing MoMusu. And that’s about it.
No, not even Yaguchi and Kamei in the same place is exciting me.
Okay, well, it is. EEEEEEEEEP MARIPPE+ERIRIN PWNAGE IN NAGOYA THEY NEED TO SING LAST KISS TOGETHER AND I’LL BE SO, SO, SO, SO HAPPY AND YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!
Okay, I’m done. Otherwise, any original song they’d have SHOULD be about how Ai is secretly some sort of clone/robot thing (think Ayanami Rei in Evangelion), and how the perfect idol would be made from the DNA of Yaguchi Mari, Tanaka Reina, and Kamei Eri (read: good singing, personality, charisma, sense of humor).
……And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to write an essay on why Jane Addams kicks more ass than Elizabeth Cady Stanton.
